Truly, Madly.. Tired

AS always the idea to write, has once again become this bigger than I am actually am feat-
I want to write but most days too exhausted to pull together more than just a list of things that need done..

I LOVE writing more than anything else as a hobby- and it is NOT JUST a hobby for me
it is a way to get my ideas, feelings, and venting out without tiring the poor sap who has decided to be  "good friend" by listening but grows tired from hearing all the "drama"-

it is not necessarily that I have drama, or that my life is more dramatic then most- for me it is everyday life- just as your life is everyday for you (unless something new happens) and there is always something new but what I mean is the everyday hum-drum activities and goings ons..some people will not understand my life, and I too, will not understand someone else's life

writing is by far better- I don't have to filter thoughts, ideas, words, or anything- I feel totally free to express myself like any artists does-

NO I am not saying I am a "artist" nor did I imply in the sentences above I am a GOOD writer but nonetheless I love to write


I have come to the conclusion that when one is tired they are truly mad- could be crazy mad, or angry but either way they are mad-

angry mad because lets face it lack of sleep usually doesn't  make A PERSON FEEL BETTER, OR HAPPY

and crazy mad because sometimes one can become delusional- and its not a joke to be severely sleep deprived

I am not sure what category of mad I fall under- maybe both as my feelings alternate between the 2.

I am not even sure what is going on when I sleep but hubby is concerned because I have more seizures in my sleep- I am not even sure I can call whatever that happens in my sleep seizures but I am not shivering, nor cold, It is not because I had a dream I fell or this sort of thing- it is something I am unaware of and something my body does whilst asleep- (especially when I am lacking sleep) and it is consistent convulsion like movements none of which I am controlling nor aware of.

I am not sleeping well because the twins most nights will sleep an hour or so then wake up and refuse to go back to bed- and I am up til 2,3 or 4 am- then a few hours of sleep before getting up at 6:30 am to take the older kids to school- it is not that I am complaining but I am very much sleep deprived

Also

My twins who (I thought) got over the phase of getting into things, and I was totally tricked to think this curiosity of sorts stopped as no issues in 8 months would indicate improvement, and understanding ..

I can barely go to the bathroom now- as the other night I went to the bathroom and they were all content watching Daniel tigers neighborhood and about 7 minutes later I find a whole jar of hair cream (which they have been trying to open for weeks and never were capable of opening) and they smeared nearly the entire 4 kg tub all over half of living room- shoe closet, inside of front door, all along wall, couch, and carpet and not to mention themselves- all while the older 3 DD 8 years, DS 5, and DD 4 watching them as if what they were doing was normal.

I wasn't even sure what to do as far as punishment but I was contemplating on whether or not I should let them stay up- and THAT idea totally left my mind as I decided that 8:30 was bedtime- I cleaned up the younger 2, and the older 3 went to bed- then for 1 hour proceeded to clean this thick hair cream off of everything- and it got clean but took a lot of energy from me

yesterday, I went to pick up older 2 from school- hubby was supposed to be up and getting ready for work as he usually leaves shortly after arriving from school with the kids.
however, he has been sleep deprived as well and fell back to sleep- the twins got into a very tan foundation that should have been thrown out anyway  and rubbed it all over their faces, arms, stomachs, and legs and MOST of their bodies (except for a few hilarious Caucasian "splotches") were covered and it was a cream based foundation so actually cleaning it off was very difficult- and then end result left a residue in the tub that took 45 minutes to scrub out.

I would love it if I didn't have all these extra messes so I could focus on everyday things- laundry, etc and have a clean organized place but it almost never happens because I usually do not have the amount of energy it takes to get it all done in a day- and everyday is a circle- I can't catch up - I am just doing the same I did the day before but it never all gets done/.. I have thought if I could get a family member to care for them for a few days I would totally clean and organize everything because my life is stressful enough and the disorganization of the whole place makes me frustrated..


I guess it is something that most mom's go through- is it worth it TOTALLY WITHOUT A DOUBT but it is hard-

I'm back

So it has been years since I posted, and 5 kids later and (for now) family planning is at a hault


The oldest DD just turned 8, DS  5, DD #2  just turned 4, and DD #3 and #4 are 2.5 years.

I put my blogs on the back burner for a LONG while and was reading my oldest the very few posts I have written and published and it made me remember when the kids were much smaller and made me happy and sad all in the same time! Time has gone by so fast!!

I am still enjoying being a SAHM for now, and sometimes thinking it wouldn't be so bad if we planned for another but for now things are good how they are and Alhamdulilah for the most part we are all happy!!

???

So i just noticed i have not posted in almost a year??? i have been mentally preoccupied and trying to keep up with my 8 mth old who is getting into everything.. my sassy 4 (nearly 5 yr old) and trying to keep it together while my son is in Egypt *not a day goes by i don't think about him.

Not so many things are new, Sophia is not eligible for kindergarten because her birthday falls 3 days after deadline (for 5 yr olds) and they just WON'T let her sign up.. or else they would have to let everyone else.. she was so looking forward to going.. then i am thinking about possibly also home schooling because i don't want children to be vaccinated any longer.. so much to think about!!!

10 weeks Inshallah

So i have about 10 more weeks to go before Nadiya will be born. Inshallah. I am excited and scared. I do not know how difficult it will be with 3. I am having a hard time with 2 Subhanallah. Yousef has got 4 teeth now and getting a mouth full. and not only is he walking but running Mashallah. Sophia has mastered potty training and has no accidents since i moved to the new apartment. Now i have washer, dryer, and dishwasher Alhamdulilah. My cleaning does not nearly take me as long as it used to and it is a relief because my whole body is swollen, and i have grown very sluggish because of this weight with the baby. I am tried all the time, but with 2 kids and no help it makes it that much harder Subhanallah. Just wanted to update as i have not wrote in so long and after nearly 1 mth in my new place i finally got net today.. Alhamdulilah

I Can't believe it

I found out i was pregnant on March 10th (my birthday) and supposedly conceived around Feb 21-26. Well Dr.s say according to my "first, of the last monthly" i am due November 14th Inshallah, and just so excited.. i looked back at my posts and realize i had started having baby fever around Jan and conceived in Feb. SubhanAllah! That is just so wonderful and i am so very grateful. In more related news.. baby names.. well if its a boy it has been decided he will be Hamza. Girls names not sure of now since Hubby's sister stole our name.. (i'm serious, and YES she knew) but there are lots of other beautiful names and Inshallah we will find one that will suit our child. Just hoping the baby remains healthy the whole pregnancy Inshallah.

i am 11 weeks and counting.. and so excited to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time.Inshallah


My son Yousef is doing well Alhamdulilah but his teeth are not coming in. He has 2 teeth and has for about 2 months now and still is just cruising too afraid to walk Alhamdulilah.

Safiya has mastered potty training (pretty much) and has only 2 accidents in 2 months and goes to bed (sleeps ups to 10hrs) with "big girl pants"

Other than being so very tired, and sick all is well Alhamdulilah

Baby Blues

I want to have another baby. My son  won't be 10 mths until the 25th of this month. He is still so young, yet i want another baby inshallah. So Allahu ahlam when i will be blessed with another child, but there is no need to put family planning on hold because hubby thinks natural is best and so do i.

MashaAllah these babies are too cute!!

Stinky Pants

Okay so my 3 yr old still is not potty trained yet completely. UGH!! So frustrating. I don't mind changing baby diapers.. but she is NOT a baby especially when she eats more than i do.. so for now i am trying to find an easier way.. just trying to be patient.. so if anyone has any ideas let me know.. because this stubborn girl of mine will not go #2 for nothing!! candy only works sometimes..